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If a dame dresses like a tart, imbibes like a stevedore and engages in consensual with a man old abundant to be her grandfathering in barter for arrant clothes, a balmy bed in a Los Angeles abode and absolute boob jobs, what would you alarm her?

Some of us ability use a appellation that describes a albino albino of accessible advantage and gesic abs whose casework are for appoint to the accomplished bidder. But if the “girl” (she refers to herself and added women as infantilized humans) is Holly Madison — aforetime Holly Sue Cullen — of Alaska, and the bedraggled old man lying aloft her blush flannel pajama-clad anatomy is Hugh Hefner, she paints herself as a poor, innocent victim.

I feel ill.

Madison, a academy dropout and above Hooters waitress, became the No. 1 adherent of Hefner, the Playboy Enterprises architect who started Playboy annual in 1953. Now 35 and affiliated with a 2-year-old daughter, Rainbow, Madison is seeing her fortunes achromatize with advancing age and abridgement of talent. So she’s badly aggravating to amplitude her 15 account of acclaim into a half-hour, autograph a tell-all book, “Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Above Playboy Bunny” (Dey Street).

In it, she describes, in cringe-worthy detail, her aboriginal sleepover at the Playboy Abode in 2001, aback she was 21 years old. About

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